“Crazy” by Gnarles Barkley (Violent Femmes cover) in Delight in Disorder (the soundtrack)

Gnarls Barkley‘s song “Crazy” (covered by The Violent Femmes) is third on my autobiographical Spotify playlist Delight in Disorder (the soundtrack).  The lyrics describe the familiar misery of going insane.

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you’re out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn’t because I didn’t know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Possibly
And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that’s my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you’re in control

Well, I think you’re crazy
I think you’re crazy
I think you’re crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it’s no coincidence I’ve come
And I can die when I’m done

Maybe I’m crazy
Maybe you’re crazy
Maybe we’re crazy
Possibly

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 30, my doctors told me being a conditioned athlete through my teen years likely kept symptoms at bay. Then, I chose to self-medicate with drugs like alcohol, amphetamines, nicotine, and marijuana. It was like manufactured insanity, considered “cool” within the sub-culture of aspiring artists at college who took pride in their cock-sure craziness.