In the eleventh post of Christmas, I truly give to you…
Leo Tolstoy’s short story The Death of Ivan Ilyich is at times an excruciating book to read. Ivan Ilyich’s callous social climbing, care-free lifestyle and heart-less unconcern for his family are difficult to bear. When he becomes chronically ill, one almost cheers for his payback, but we are made to instead endure his unending complaints and cries for relief. At one point in his suffering, he scolds his wife –
“For Christ’s sake let me die in peace!” he said.
She would have gone away, but just then their daughter came in and went up to say good morning. He looked at her as he had done at his wife, and in reply to her inquiry about his health said dryly that he would soon free them all of himself. They were both silent and after sitting with him for a while went away.
“Is it our fault?” Lisa said to her mother. “It’s as if we were to blame! I am sorry for papa, but why should we be tortured?”
It seems nothing can be done to relieve Ivan Ilyich’s suffering (and insufferability) and it only grows steadily worse. As the end draws near, he spends three full days simply calling out a monosyllabic cry, “Oh!”
He is lost – alone – in his struggle. But just when it seems he will go to his grave suffering alone, his neglected son enters the room. He becomes aware of his son’s presence.
At that very moment Ivan Ilych fell through and caught sight of the light, and it was revealed to him that though his life had not been what it should have been, this could still be rectified. He asked himself, “What is the right thing?” and grew still, listening. Then he felt that someone was kissing his hand. He opened his eyes, looked at his son, and felt sorry for him. His wife came up to him and he glanced at her. She was gazing at him open-mouthed, with undried tears on her nose and cheek and a despairing look on her face. He felt sorry for her too.
“Yes, I am making them wretched,” he thought. “They are sorry, but it will be better for them when I die.” He wished to say this but had not the strength to utter it. “Besides, why speak? I must act,” he thought. with a look at his wife he indicated his son and said: “Take him away…sorry for him…sorry for you too….” He tried to add, “Forgive me,” but said “Forego” and waved his hand, knowing that He whose understanding mattered would understand.
In his deathbed confession – to his family, and to God – Ivan Ilyich finds the grace to die in peace. The pain is still there, but he doesn’t focus on it. He chooses instead to take the self-less path of gratitude for those who surround him, who care for him, who make it possible for him not to die alone.
As a pastor, I have seen many people at the verge of death and I’ve seen some as they died. Some die peacefully. Others resist. It isn’t always the case that those who are right with God and others die a more peaceful death. Sometimes the suffering is still agonizing. But it makes a big difference when we can clear our slate by asking for and accepting Christ’s forgiveness and making the most of whatever time we have remaining.
I like the way one prayer I’ve said puts it,
Give us your grace, O God, to live as those prepared to die, that we may go forth to live so that, living or dying, we may always walk with you.
How about you? Are you ready to die so you can fully live?
(image “The Death of Ivan Ilych” from Dottie B., some rights reserved)
– In the first post of Christmas, I truly gave to you…. “God is With Us (a Christmas Story based on Matthew 1.18-2.12)“
– In the second post of Christmas, I truly gave to you… “Assaulting a Felon with a Fruitcake.”
– In the third post of Christmas, I truly gave to you… “Some of the Best Christmas Blog Posts for 2012“
– In the fourth post of Christmas, I truly gave to you… “I Wonder as I Wander“
– In the fifth post of Christmas, I truly gave to you – “Be More Like a Child at Christmas (and beyond)“
– In the sixth post of Christmas, I truly gave to you – “Five Favorite Movies for the Christmas Season“
– In the seventh post of Christmas, I truly gave to you – “From India to Indiana: My New E-Pal“
– In the eighth post of Christmas, I truly gave to you – “What Sam Found in His Backpack After Break (A Prompted Poem)“
– In the ninth post of Christmas, I truly gave to you – “The Precise Dilemma: A Book Review“
– In the tenth post of Christmas, I truly gave to you – “Potentially Praiseworthy Poems Posted on WordPress“