On Becoming a Gay Brit

I’ve had another productive day – writing, revising, submitting.  In fact, I have been flying so fast and furious on my keyboard that I’ve not taken the time to read a short story for review.  Instead, I thought I would post about a rejection notice that inspired me.

It was from Charlie at Fiction on the Web.  I had sent Charlie a piece of flash fiction that, looking back on it, really had no flash to it.  He rightly rejected it, but encouraged me to continue to visit his site and submit more stories in the future.  For some reason – maybe it was his charming British syn-tact – I immediately responded by revising 4 pieces I was hoping to submit and sending them off to various publications for consideration.

It got me thinking.  Historically, I have not handled rejection well.  Growing up (here in the heart of the Midwest in the good old USA), I experienced a lot of rejection.  I kept a tally, and I believe I was turned down for dates by an even dozen girls before I got to lucky 13.

My typical reaction to rejection was to mope, collapse on my bed, or drive aimlessly around town (sometimes past the houses of girls who snubbed me), singing along to Hank Williams, praying I could one day have a relationship with someone who would break my heart.

What was different about Charlie’s rejection?  Hard to tell.  I can’t afford a good enough psychoanalyst (and I’m too impatient to wait for genuine insight).

What’s different about Charlie.  Well, he’s British.  And he’s male (I think).

So, I’m going to take the obvious solution.  I’m going to become a homosexual and move to Great Britain.

Now, I know it’s arguable now if someone can actually “become a homosexual” and I hear the constant rain in England makes it a very depressing place (where even inspired poets stick their heads in ovens and turn the gas on).  But, follow my logic…

I won’t really have to be a homosexual, because my aim will to be rejected by men and thus be inspired to write more.

And, I think there is a lot about British culture I could get into –

Why, just the idea of going to the local pub for a pint to cheer on a group of footballers who are really playing soccer and screaming “Bloody, Bloody, Bloody!” (without it really seeming like profanity) would be a thrilling way to spend an afternoon.

So thank you, Charlie, for your thoughtful rejection.  I must confess, though, I’m wondering how I will respond should you ever accept me.  We may have to move in together.

Rocky Jocks Underwear Revue: Gigo British Flag Trunks

image “Rocky Jocks Underwear Revue: Gigo British Flag Trunks” from Thom Stanley in The Union Jack

8 thoughts on “On Becoming a Gay Brit

  1. First…Congrats on getting pen to paper (does that even happen anymore?) What I meant was fingers to keyboard!
    Second… You are quite funny. I hope you and Charlie have a long happy life together. 🙂

  2. Very kind of you to credit my note with inspiring you to work on your writing.

    However I advise caution before you jump on a plane to the UK – our sense of humour here is rather wry for American tastes, our summers are only two weeks long and the food portions are terribly small. On the flip side, free health care, cheap flights to Europe, and a somewhat saner attitude to gun control.

    As for becoming gay… I’m afraid I’m already happily married: http://www.fictionontheweb.co.uk/2012/05/man-who-married-himself-by-charlie-fish.html

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