Alone in a Fog: My Life with (and without) God – Part V

Fog

 

I woke up in a solid white room.

Alone, strapped to the bed.

 

“You have Bipolar Disorder,” they said.

They gave me a diagnostic code to replace

My points per game, GPA, and SAT score.

DSM 296.4×4.

I would need treatment the rest of my life.

 

I spent most of the next year heavily medicated.

I prayed to God, but couldn’t hear a response.

I read the Bible, but the message escaped me.

I tried to write, but the words wouldn’t come.

Mostly I slept, and ate, and took pills.

 

My mind was a thick fog.

 

One day Alice was taking a nap with the children.

A friend stopped by to take me for coffee

I left a note which read –

“Dear sugar bear,

Gone to the mountains to pick blueberries.

Be back by Spring.”

 

The church was wondrously generous.

They provided me paid leave.

They stopped by with meals.

They watched Sarah and Grace

When Alice and I had appointments.

 

Eventually, I went back to work full time.

But I had nothing left for home (or so I thought).

 

Alice was fed up.

She decided to get a job,

Then a divorce.

We went for counseling as a last resort.

 

In counseling, the fog started to lift.

Not overnight, but gradually, and steadily.

I asked Alice to stay

And she agreed, thank God.

the story begins…

Out of Nineveh: My Life with (and without) God – Part I

Sent to Serve: My Life with (and without) God – Part II

Prayer, Parenting, Pits, and Pills: My Life with (and without) God – Part III

A Clarion Call: My Life with (and without) God – Part IV

the story continues…

On a Teeter-Totter: My Life with (and without) God – Part VI

In the Heart of the Finger Lakes: My Life with (and without) God – Part VII

Chosen to Adopt: My Life with (and without) God – Part VIII

Lost on Long Island: My Life with (and without) God – Part IX

image “Fog” from Suasion Boutique in { f a l l & w i n t e r l o v e }

7 thoughts on “Alone in a Fog: My Life with (and without) God – Part V

  1. When I was young there was hymn that went: “It only takes a spark to get a fire going…
    I could feel the weight of your experience and then, as you began to see hope, a small spark. Sometimes that’s all we can see, a little ember. Carefully, we coax that with some tinder and oxygen.

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